14 February 2009

Anger - Intermittent Explosive Disorder & Domestic Violence

Intermittent Explosive Disorder -
If a person's aggressive outbursts result in any destruction of property, physical assaults on people or animals, or causing a death, then that person has a problem and should seek help immediately. This anger problem will result in legal and financial problems and destroyed relationships. Peace and true happiness are elusive. Friends, family, loved ones and even strangers are in danger.

Loss of control is the key factor. The individual loses control, resulting in aggressive acting out, either by yelling, assaulting others, or destroying property. The degree of behavior is always out of proportion to the stimulus. Typically, these individuals will not take responsibility for their loss of control, often blaming the victim, other circumstances in their life, or some third party as causing their loss of control. The inability to accept responsibility for the one's own actions helps to alleviate guilt. It also prevents the individual from seeing that there is a problem and making any changes. Both men and women can have this terrible problem.

Comedian Roger Heater suffers from IED. He now gives talks and is writing a book. He guest wrote his story for me. Please check out: Roger Heater's Story of IED.

Domestic Violence -
People with Intermittent Explosive Disorder often only lose control within the context of a close interpersonal relationship. Their self-control is better outside their own home and family. The diagnosis of Intermittent Explosive Disorder is almost always present in domestic violence situations, except when the violence occurs only in situations with substance abuse or intoxication. Sometimes, however, intoxication is also a form of not accepting blame and the individual may choose to become intoxicated prior to a confrontation and use their wasted state as an excuse for loss of control.

Individuals who only lose control within relationships often attach strong emotional ultimatums to those relationships. If a person believes that loss of a relationship would be unbearable, then they will stay in the abusive relationship, regardless of what logic says.

Perpetrators of domestic violence rarely receive adequate psychological treatment, because they are viewed as criminals, rather than individuals with psychological problems.

Click HERE for a discussion of treatment.



  1. Domestic violence is violence which occurs in an intimate relationship. The keywords are intimate relationship.
    Anger is a normal human relationship which is a problem which it is too intense, occurs too frequently, last too long, leads to violence, impacts health or destroys intimate relationships.
    Intermittent explosive disorder does not cover domestic violence.

  2. Thank you for your input. So are you saying someone could have one or the other type of anger but not both? I think there is an overlap.

  3. Roger Heater4/30/2009

    I am engared to a wonderful man. He was diagnosed with IED in 1995. I met him in 2003 and had no idea what this was until I heard his story.

    As a child Roger suffered from temper tantrums and rage attcks so severe he was made a ward of the court. From age 12-16 he lived in shelters, mental institutions, group homes and psychaitric hospitals throught the state of California, during which time he experienced several different forms of discipline and medications. Being stripped of his belt, shoes and pockets empited, he was placed in a 7' by 4' room with no outside windows and no door knob on the inside. He was restrained on beds by being wrapped in sheets from his ankles to his neck. As early as 9 years old he was subjected to several different anti-depressants including Ritalin, Valium and Lithium.

    By age 34 with two addictive drug habits and two failed marriages behind him, the comedy stage alone was no onger enough to keep his anger under control. His agressive and abusive behavior laned him into a psychiatric hospital twice, within a 6 month period.

    Present day- After stuggling for over three decades, he was finally given a diagnosis - I.E.D. This disorder was still unknown to the public and researcher at the time, so proper medications and therapy were still in the testing stage. Over the years while learning what he could about the disease he taught himself how to overcome and survive living with it. After more than 14 years of touring and performing comedy all over the United States, he developed a strong ability to keep any size groups attention and his strong stage presence continues to shine even when delivering material on a much darker subject.

    Roger is a warm, loving and selfless person. He is always positive, motivating and caring for not only his family but to everyone who meets him. Although he still suffers from IED, he has never put myself or his children in harms way

    We need your help in getting his personal story of overcome to everyone who will hear him. This not only affects children, but husbands, wives, siblings and everyone who knows or is living with someone with this illness. His story will bring hope and most of answers. Please comment back and allow us to speak in your school, church or wherever we can get the word out.

    It all begins with one voice-YOURS.

    Thank you for listening

  4. RH - Thanks for visiting and posting your comments. It's unreal what is done to people before psychiatry figures things out correctly. Would you be interested in authoring an article on this site? "Roger Heater - My IED Story" or something like that? Let me know. Would love a story, bio and some pix. Will give links to Roger's website or whatever sites would be appropriate.

  5. Liz,

    We would love to help out in any way! Our message is real, and Roger's story needs to be heard. Please visit our website- www.heaterproductions.com to learn more or to contact us directly. Roger is in the process of writing his life story,to let everyone know that there is hope and you can live with and manage this disorder.

    We are not professionals, but real people with real stories that real people can relate with.

    We look forward to hearing from you soon!

  6. Tammy - sent you an email...

  7. wish4anewheart@yahoo.com6/19/2010

    you are talking here about "grown ups" with this disease, does anyone know of good web sites for children age 10 with this disease? Iam a mother of a little boy who is turning ten this week and his dad and i know this is him ... we know he has ALL the symptoms of IED but we can not get anyone to listen to us, we are lost.... our son is on 8 different meds a day and they are not helping to control this anger he has, are there other meds out here that help with this disorder? he has been on meds since age 4 and has been in counseling since that age too .... help us we are lost ... thank you ... our email is as follows if you have any suggestions: wish4anewheart@yahoo.com

  8. Learning To Control Vesuvius4/13/2012

    Male IED sufferers are the perfect "project" for women to invest their time and effort into.
    They present a project for Women to use their maternal instincts and nurturing skills to change their IED partner for the better.
    But be warned, not all volcano's are dormant, can be considered safe and can be contained.
    IED sufferers tend to grow up in families where close family members have bipolar disease.
    Many sufferers report feeling emotionally neglected as children.
    These people feel emotionally starved, mistrust people, get paranoid, misinterpret peoples actions, feel inadequate and think negatively about life and situations.
    They are people that feel socially inadequate, that can be unpredictable, that easily get bored, that can loose control and harm objects or people. Many of them don't take responsibility for their actions and seek to blame those around them for causing their volatile behaviour. 87% of IED sufferers live in denial, only 13% seek help. Many gravitate towards individuals that they can control, that will tolerate their behaviour.
    Many IED sufferers have gambling issues, Kleptomania issues, Pyromania issues, Suffer from drug / alcohol dependency. They can be highly manipulative. Occasionally they appear to be generous (when in a good mood), but ultimately they have cold dispassionate hearts. It is a terrible disease and I should have sympathy for them if i didnt know them better. I suffered at the hands of an IED sufferer. He was a charismatic Jekkle and Hyde character. Women loved him until they saw the dark side. Using violence against people, to assert control over ones environment isn't an appropriate form of action. Many IED sufferers are nothing more than emotional bullies/ babies, who have lost emotional control over their lives, probably because of how they were brought up. They are damaged goods that will drag most people down with their anger.
    I applaud those who accept their anger management problems and seek to change, but many individuals prefer to live in denial than seek help. If any IED sufferers are reading this, go seek help, educate those around you of the potential dangers they face. Develop coping mechanisms to deal with your anger. Take up sport.
    Eat a healthier diet and avoid any potential triggers by walking away from situations likely to inflame you.

  9. Anonymous9/24/2013

    My fiance and soon to be wife has this disorder. She won't seek treatment even with my support, but after many months of investigation this is definitely my diagnosis of her problem. She is pregnant with our child and I have never ending unconditional love for her. Lately it has gotten out of hand with the emotional and physical abuse, and I'm trying so hard to stay with her, and ultimately help her cope with this dissorder and raise a family with me. If anyone can give me any advice on how to prevent ( or stopping one after its begun) an outburst so that we survive until I can get her to see a doctor, please email me at treycrates@gmail.com. I will appreciate any help more than you know, thanks.

    1. Anonymous3/21/2014

      Hi there, I have emailed you to try and give you some support. Please check your junk mail if you don't see my message (titled "Intermittent Explosive Disorder") in your inbox. All the best to you.

  10. Anonymous3/09/2014

    @Learning To Control Vesuvius4/13/2012

    You have hit the nail on the head, thank you. I too have been involved with someone with this dangerous personality disorder and I managed to halt the relationship after 2 months of trying to understand and cope with his disgusting verbal abuse and hidden addictions. As stated in the article, he would always ensure he was always on nice and safe "home territory" before his unbelievable outbursts. It was only a matter of time before these became physical - he admitted to physically beating a previous partner, who understandably won't allow him to see his own child.

    Get out and run whilst you can, ladies. This man cannot be fixed without first taking full responsibility of their actions - all attacks will be because YOU "provoked" them, are "undermining" them, or some other imaginary reason (they always blame an external source, it's either you, the alcohol, or something else). and a huge amount of therapy along drugs which will likely render him impotent. In my experience and opinion,I am 99.9% certain that you will have utterly wasted your precious time in trying to help them. They premeditate their attacks, illustrated by the fact they get wasted *before* an irrational confrontation and/or ensuring you are trapped in their space, not yours. This means they CAN control themselves, but *choose* not to. RUN.